My Ticket to Fame and Fortune

My dachshund Hans steals gum, candy, cough drops, mints, tissues, lip balm, etc. from my purse and Jason’s backpack. We find refuse at random in the bedroom, but tonight I found the motherload — Hans’ stash.

I noticed a wrapper underneath the bed while changing the sheets, so I got down on all fours to pick it up. From there, I saw a treasure trove of mint-flavored artifacts. Hans immediately dropped his chew bone and rushed over to stand between me and the wrappers. He stretched his body out and nested on top of the mints to protect them, but I overpowered him. He had used a little square of space to hide his property, and I ruined things by pulling it all out.

Here you’ll see two packs of gum, a Breathsavers wrapper, assorted gum wrappers, and 4 wintergreen mints—the last one partially bitten.

He actually stood up and gave me the sad eyes to get me to leave it alone, but I’m Bad Mommy.

He punished me by grabbing my sock, racing into the living room with it in his mouth, and then shaking his head maniacally while growling.

All things considered, I kind of appreciate that he was organized about it all, and that he placed all of his mint-flavored items together. It gives me a great deal of undue pride.